dinandtigerfest

Prompt: #14
Title: Friday I'm in love
Pairing: chen/chanyeol
Rating: nc-17
Warnings: character experiencing dysphoria (brief)
Word count: 15, 800
Summary: "Tall girls." Jongdae handles the words carefully, knowing that was Chanyeol getting as close to the point as they can.
Author's note: aa this is going to be a rambling a/n, sorry. very first, thank you so much for this prompt! I've enjoyed working on this so, so much (I estimated it'd be around 4k when I started haha;;). I tried hard to get the setting as prompter asked for, so I hope I succeeded! I really wanted to approach this as a more gentle, silly, sappy fic than an angsty one, and I honestly had so much fun with it along with getting hugely invested in it;;

The title and idea for the format are from this song

Some notes on Chanyeol's pronouns and gender identity (this is sort of spoiler-y so maybe only come back to it if any details need clearing up, but hopefully will help with any potential confusion!): Chanyeol is assigned male at birth; everyone around them knows and refers to them as he/his. Chanyeol isn't really into labeling what they identify as, but they predominantly use they/them throughout this and are in a place sort of around heavily fem-leaning non binary. This is only representative of one trans experience, where Chanyeol (currently) doesn't want to transition.

(prompter, I was unsure about the rating because it was specified as pg-13 but the prompt also asked for a sex scene. so this did end up quite sexual and all my apologies if that isn't cool with you)
(there's a bunch of rilakkuma refs bc I'm like that, sorry lol kuma = bear)

■ Tuesday ■

Jongdae comes home to a pair of white sandals and Chanyeol full of wine. As far as he knows Chanyeol doesn't like white wine, and he definitely knows neither of them own a pair of women's flats.

Shoes off and jacket hung up, Jongdae asks the unnecessary: "Your sister visited?"

There's a hint of her perfume left behind, and one of their few decent glasses beside Chanyeol's coffee mug (they really aren't wine drinkers). And her shoes, dangling from Chanyeol's feet over the arm of the couch.

Chanyeol nods, both hands clasped over their eyes. "She wanted to talk about work stuff. And I had stuff, and it needed wine. And now I'm scared of the headache I'll have tomorrow." Cautiously, they peek out between their fingers. Still fuzzy, never mind. "Was work ok?"

"Other than the untimely death of Jongin's office plant, yeah. I'm not saying someone intentionally left it next to the heater, but.." Jongdae rolls his sleeves as he heads to the kitchen. He fills both glasses that are out on the drainer. "You're gonna drink all this water and then a refill, ok?" He orders as he brings it over, nudging the empty glasses aside to put the two filled ones in their place.

"I love you," Chanyeol rumbles from behind their hands, "But I can't get up to prove it."

Jongdae perches on the edge of the couch cushion in the space not taken up by Chanyeol's legs. Sometimes Chanyeol looks every bit as gangly and unsure of their limbs as they did when they were teenagers, especially as ruffled as they are now. "You can owe me." Jongdae pats at where Chanyeol's stomach probably is in the swamp of hoodie material. They look so warm and cozy Jongdae's tempted to just curl up on the couch, too, but he needs dinner. And it's barely 7pm; he's not quite that decrepit yet.

Chanyeol scrubs a hand through their hair, leaving it sticking up in plumes. "I love you," they say again, but this time it sounds a little sad. Jongdae pouts.

"What kind of stuff did you need wine talks for, Yeollie?" Jongdae rubs a knuckle back and forth over Chanyeol's thigh. "Is everything ok?"

"Just sister stuff." Chanyeol's ears and neck are flushed scarlet, but that could easily just be the wine. Jongdae's not going to push. Especially when he's hungry for dinner and Chanyeol's judgment is battling with half a bottle of something they tend to avoid at all costs. Jongdae gives their thigh a firm squeeze, and Chanyeol makes a congested whale sound in response.

Turning in the little space he has, Jongdae reaches over the arm of the couch and takes a hold of Chanyeol's ankle. All he's wanted to do for the last three hours is get out of the office and back to his boyfriend, and honestly, he's succumbed to being gross and domestic enough to still call taking care of a boneless, dozy Chanyeol a good night. "Alright, Cinderella, let's get these shoes off you so you're more comfortable."

"If I was Cinderella there'd only be one." Chanyeol attempts a wiggle in protest, but whether they actually move or not is anyone's guess. "They're so nice. She said I can keep them."

"They're cute," Jongdae agrees, taking care of how he eases Chanyeol's toes out from how wedged in they are. They actually look pretty tacky with the little gems stuck around the edges, like the kind of shoes you'd buy an eight year old to make them feel grown up -- he can see why Yoora wasn't at pains to part with them. "Even on your big old elephant feet." He gives Chanyeol's shin a pat and slots the shoes under the coffee table so they won't trip when they can eventually get up again. "I'm gonna start dinner. Did you eat with Yoora?"

Chanyeol's not only got their hands over their face but now their massive hoodie sleeves too. Jongdae thinks he makes out a head shake from under there.

"Drink the water, ok? Then soak up the rest of the wine with pasta." Jongdae laughs and ruffles what's visible of Chanyeol's hair before standing. "I dunno so much if that'll help, really, but the water will."

Chanyeol audibly gulps around a thick lump in their throat, eyes hot and wet behind their hoodie sleeves. Jongdae's already banging cabinet doors in the kitchen by the time they peek out again.

■ Friday ■

"I cannot believe," Baekhyun says as he passes Chanyeol their cup of hot chocolate, "That I have to sit here and look like I'm taking pity on someone who may as well live in this park."

Chanyeol raises a grimy hand towards Baekhyun's pale shirt. "What an upstanding member of the community they'll think you are." They laugh at the sound Baekhyun makes as he swerves away, but in fairness Chanyeol really is gross today. "Seedling transplant day," they shrug, turning their hand to observe the dirt caked in their knuckles and under their nails.

"Wonderful." Baekhyun takes a sip of his drink and winces, sticking out his tongue. "So why are we here?" He asks, "It's not often you or Jongdae are out of your cave."

Generally Chanyeol gets off work two hours before Jongdae, and on Fridays it's three. Which Chanyeol likes, because they can clean up from a sweaty day of soil before Jongdae gets in and make an early start on Friday night in preparations. To be honest Chanyeol was more interested in the hours and lack of desk work than in plants when they applied for the job, and they're still pretty slow on learning the complicated names. They're the tallest member of staff at the garden centre, though, and the older ladies love them in spite of the fumbling, so they get by.

"We both pass by here, so. Just wanted to talk?" Chanyeol shrugs. Normally having an hour or so to themselves at home is appealing, but Chanyeol's not feeling like being left in their own company today. They straighten their legs out, shift back on the bench and then refold their thighs. "How's work?"

"Just as fun as when I texted the dead Gudetama sticker two hours ago. Chanyeol." Baekhyun rests a gentle hand at Chanyeol's thigh. "I'm touched that you're trying to make small talk," he says, and Chanyeol gets that that means they should probably stop.

Chanyeol snaps the lid off their plastic cup and swirls it. "Well, I wanted your opinion, cause I was thinking of growing my hair out again. Remember when it was--"

"The curls?" Chanyeol's thigh abruptly feels the loss of warmth as Baekhyun pulls his hand back to gesture. "Really? I thought that was just some kind of crisis you had over turning twenty."

Chanyeol's mouth does something similar to what Baekhyun's did when he tried his coffee. "Not the curls again. Just long, like when it was to my shoulders. I miss it," they add, sighing. Sure it meant not being able to just roll out of bed and tame it with fingers, done, but now Chanyeol thinks back to it, they liked having hair to style and twist around their fingers. Chanyeol's been thinking back to that a lot, recently.

"If you liked it so much then sure, grow it out again." Baekhyun shrugs and tries another sip of coffee. "Jesus. Anyway, why are you asking me? Ask Jongdae." Another sip, and this time he gives in and snaps the lid back on. "Or just do it, your terrible sense of style is your own business."

"I just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do."

Baekhyun's giving Chanyeol an odd look when they raise their head again. Chanyeol tugs their sleeves down over their knuckles and doesn't look back.

"What's in that?" They ask, gesturing towards the cup as Baekhyun sets it on the bench between them.

"It's decaf," Baekhyun says mournfully. "Junmyeon-- Junmyeon, of all people, told me to cut back on caffeine."

Chanyeol laughs, not hard enough for it to come out as much more than a rumble. True, Junmyeon's desk is more coffee mugs than it is work. "Coffee just gets him through the day. It makes you bounce off the walls."

Baekhyun huffs. "A good quality! People in an office environment need keeping alert, I'm providing a service." He pouts up at Chanyeol as Chanyeol stands, brushing off their hoodie. He brightens up again when Chanyeol offers their hot chocolate.

"Do you think they'll let me on the bus like this?" Chanyeol asks, reminded of the soil covering their hands as Baekhyun carefully avoids touching them. A shower is going to feel good, Chanyeol thinks, and unexpectedly a lump starts swelling in their throat. The getting clean part will, anyway. "Anyway, I'll, uh," they clear their throat and stuff their hands into their pockets. "Better find out, I wanted to be home in time to start dinner."

Baekhun's smile is a warm one. "Text me later, ok?" Baekhyun grabs a handful of Chanyeol's hoodie sleeve and hauls himself up and Chanyeol down, dropping a peck to Chanyeol's cheek.

"Wow." Chanyeol touches a sleeve to their face. To wipe the Baek-germs off, obviously, not because affection makes them warmer than the drink in Baekhyun's hand.

"You looked like you needed it." Baekhyun gives Chanyeol a little wave, encouraging them to get going when they linger. Baekhyun certainly doesn't need the gesture returned, if that's what Chanyeol's looking so perplexed about. "Cheer up, pup. You just gave birth to like a hundred flowers."

Chanyeol dozes during the ride home, head heavy and tilting with the motion of the bus. Working out in the sun all day is tiring. Chanyeol nestles into the thick folds of the hood bunched over their shoulders and tries to get comfortable like that, but their legs don't fit behind the seat in front without being bent at an odd angle. Worrying is pretty tiring, too. Chanyeol hates dwelling and worrying, and they have been since their two year anniversary with Jongdae last month.

Two years ago Jongdae was supposed to be the first person Chanyeol confided in, but when they'd said they had a confession to make Jongdae got there first. And Chanyeol loved him, too, and had done for a long time, too. And of course it wouldn't ruin their friendship -- of course Chanyeol wanted to date, too. So it was kind of also the second anniversary of the day Chanyeol failed to tell Jongdae that they're a girl. The marker of two whole years of Chanyeol leaving that behind.

Yoora told them not to, and she told them that again earlier in the week, in her stern sister way that makes Chanyeol relieved she knows everything. She knows how happy Jongdae makes them, and she's been letting Chanyeol try on her shoes since Chanyeol was fourteen. Jongdae is a good man, albeit dense as a rock for not noticing something was going on with Chanyeol through their late teens. So have both things that make you happy, she'd said, and Chanyeol started drinking her wine.

On the bus, Chanyeol presses their forehead to the window and sighs. Drawing in the fog with a fingertip leaves a smudge of dirt on the window, so they stuff their hand back into their hoodie and try to slot their knees more comfortably against the back of the seat in front.

■ Wednesday ■

[I asked mom, the stuff you stored at home is still there]

[ok???]

[Go and get it, cheer yourself up. You've got this :) It'll be fine]

■ Friday ■

Chanyeol's been trying on Yoora's shoes for nearly ten years, and at around 19 started to collect a few of their own. But that was then, and right now Chanyeol's remembering the hard way that heels take practice.

"Shit," they huff, rubbing at their hip where it just collided with the kitchen counter. This pair were always their favourite, but as Chanyeol is rather prone to doing, they're probably being too ambitious for someone as rusty at this as they are. "Shit. I used to be so good." They tap the point of the heel against the floor, supporting their weight with elbows on the counter.

With some impatient reminders from Yoora and some very curious questions from their parents, Chanyeol made a flying visit on Thursday and dragged home one of the bags of clothing they'd left in their old room. They didn't need to check which was which, just hefting the orange sports bag over their shoulder, kissing their mother on the cheek and scuttling away to catch the bus.

And Chanyeol didn't do this in secret -- Jongdae insisted on relieving Chanyeol of the bag once they'd burst through the door purple-faced and panting from lugging it up the stairs, and when Jongdae offered to help go through it Chanyeol said yes. Because Jongdae is a rock, as Yoora said, in the nicest way possible, and it's definitely not untrue. Jongdae didn't think anything of its contents back when they were 18, and he doesn't think anything of it now.

"I remember," Jongdae had said, turning over a mesh vest in his hands. Yeah, he definitely remembered that one. You don't have a crush on your best friend for the better half of your teens and not remember their nipples being right there at eyelevel in a mesh vest. "You had those friends back then. The fluid one that did the wicked eyeliner and their boyfriend."

Chanyeol nodded, tugging out a dress/skirt/something or another long and floaty. "Yeah. This is huge. I'm pretty sure Tao gave a lot of this stuff to me, we were a similar height."

"Tao," Jongdae repeated, snapping his fingers. "That was them. Y'know, I always thought they were kinda hot-- Hey!" He squawked as Chanyeol whipped him round the shoulders with a pair of patterned leggings. "But you more so! I only had eyes for you, Yeollie."

"And hands for Minseok."

Jongdae grinned. "One hand, one time, maybe."

Chanyeol shook their head and started cramming things back into the bag. Chanyeol was a he that liked wearing skirts to bars that welcomed that kind of thing back then. Tao was never quite the same pronoun twice, and, despite how few hours they could spend together without finding something to bicker about, was incredibly helpful with giving Chanyeol some much needed thinking space. And eyeliner tips, and clothes in their size.

"Just wanted to see it again," Chanyeol offered to an unasked question as they zipped the bag back up. Jongdae helped them dump it in the bottom of the closet.
Still pouting over the ache of what is definitely going to come up in a bruise, Chanyeol hobbles as far as the couch. They're about to collapse onto it and feel sorry for themselves when they hear Jongdae's key in the door. Oh no. Surely they can't have spent that long going through the clothes and teetering around in these miserably difficult shoes?

In panic Chanyeol's sensible brain malfunctions, and instead of slinging the heels off they attempt the impossible -- trying to run out of sight.

For a few seconds Chanyeol thinks they're going to make it. They manage five determined shuffle-run steps towards the bedroom before misjudging their weight and turning an ankle, buckling against a wall just as Jongdae walks in.

"Woah--" Jongdae can't stop Chanyeol from stumbling, but he does make a grab for their arm and stop them from falling flat on their ass. Chanyeol is a little lacking there; it'd be a hard fall. Chanyeol throws their arms around Jongdae's shoulders and lets him scoop them up, feeling like a slightly undignified damsel in distress.

Once Chanyeol is safely back upright Jongdae makes sure they stay that way, his body strong and solid holding Chanyeol secure against the wall.

"Hi," Jongdae grins.

Chanyeol makes a face at how flushed and disheveled they must look. Their legs still feel a little unsteady. "Welcome home."

"You're like," Jongdae rests his hands at Chanyeol's waist, shifting back an inch to look them up and down. Especially up -- Chanyeol's face is a really long way up. "Seven feet tall."

Chanyeol gives him a lopsided smile. "Surprise?" Being partners in crime along with Baekhyun for so many years before this relationship means pretty much nothing surprises Jongdae anymore, perhaps aside from how nice being disgustingly domestic continues to be.

Jongdae leans back in against Chanyeol, more intentional this time with where he's resting his weight. Chanyeol doesn't risk trying to move their feet while they can't see them, so Jongdae's thigh doesn't manage to squeeze in very far between their own.

Even stretching up Jongdae can only just reach to nuzzle at Chanyeol's throat. He still smells like office. "I like it. I bet your legs look fucking amazing." He gives a tug at Chanyeol's belt loops, just enough to express that this would be better with the jeans off, not enough to make Chanyeol unsteady on the heels again. "I never saw you wear these before. They're out of the bag?"

Chanyeol nods, then shakes their head. "Didn't think you'd like them."

Jongdae's eyes are lit up with mischief as he gives Chanyeol one of his particularly feline smiles. The little jolt of heat it sends to Chanyeol's belly isn't unwarranted -- Jongdae's hand is definitely not sneaking around to their ass to be supportive. "I like a lot of things, Park Chanyeol. Including coming home to you in one piece."

"I was doing fine," Chanyeol huffs, thumbing at Jongdae's shirt collar to try and focus some energy into doing something other than blushing. "I just, I dunno. Like, ok, running wasn't the best idea. I thought it'd be weird, I panicked.."

Jongdae raises a brow. "We went through puberty together and you think you can still weird me out?" Advantages and disadvantages to dating your best friend -- pretty much nothing is off limits, but memories of being 16 don't just go away. Chanyeol pouts, but Jongdae can't crane up high enough to kiss them. Instead he returns both hands to Chanyeol's waist and gives them a squeeze. "I wouldn't care if you wanted to walk around wearing that horse mask Baekhyun brought to graduation," he says, "I just don't want you to break a leg."

"This isn't some, like.. you reliving your misspent youth thing?" Jongdae asks once Chanyeol has been safely steered into the bedroom to sit down. "Baekhyun thought you were having some kind of premature midlife crisis over your hair."

Chanyeol blinks up at Jongdae. "Uh, no. It's just.." They stare back down at their feet, a little pink and cramping from being forced at an angle. "A thing I like? I guess I just stopped doing it 'cause of us moving in and all that stuff."

Jongdae hums. "Good. I mean, so it's ok if I like it too, yeah?"

Chanyeol's mouth hangs open as they deliberate that. For sure they feel more attractive in heels, however badly they pose in them. Sure, if Jongdae likes it then all the better. Maybe he could help stabilize Chanyeol when they practice.

And this is better, Chanyeol figures, that this is light and fun and about both of them now. They'd had a moment of hesitation earlier as they dug through the bag -- what if this didn't feel right anymore? What if it brought back too much at once? What if choosing Jongdae had been a mistake?

"I know I just kinda laughed it off at the time," Jongdae gestures to the bag sticking out of the closet with the hand not occupied with the loose curls in his hair, "But I always thought you looked good in that stuff. I guess I thought it'd be weird to say? I dunno." He shrugs, looking for a split second like he might be feeling as sheepish as Chanyeol is about this. "It was between you and Tao. And I only just came out to everyone. Being like, wow, skirts and make up, so attractive to me.. Maybe kinda weird."

Chanyeol puffs a breath out through their nose. Jongdae definitely wasn't a mistake. "Your gay crisis only lasted like three days, you could have at least made it a few weeks and thrown in some conflict like the rest of us."

"Please." Jongdae steps closer, planting his hands on Chanyeol's knees and leaning in to peck their chin. "I'm pretty sure Junmyeon was googling bisexuality for a month before he even made a start on the full blown crisis."

"Poor hyung," Chanyeol agrees, and Jongdae catches their lower lip between his teeth. The little tug before Jongdae slips his tongue between Chanyeol's lips to soothe it has Chanyeol's breath hitching. They reach up to hold Jongdae closer, big hands fumbling at his shoulders until Jongdae draws back to position them by himself. He grins and turns Chanyeol's right hand, pressing a kiss to the heel of their palm.

"Chanyeol, I want," Jongdae murmurs, and he's suddenly intentionally using his bedroom voice. But Chanyeol was already leaning for a kiss and mistimes it as they try to pause, bumping their noses, and then Jongdae's more laughing as he rephrases it to a question. "Can I fuck you in those heels?"

Heat flushes through Chanyeol's entire body. They're sure the tips of their ears must be glowing as they choke on a breath.

Jongdae links his fingers with Chanyeol's hand still held in his own, squeezing. "If they're special or something forget it." He grins and squeezes a little harder. "Or, can we make love with you in those heels, if you'd prefer."

Chanyeol feels a little like they did after all that wine last week; hot from the inside out and like their head is full of cotton balls. The shoes are more performative than they are special, Chanyeol would suppose if they could think of complicated words right now. Chanyeol's not the kind of girl who'd wear something like that outside of a bar, or maybe to try and seduce in the way the model in the sample photos had been. And huh. In a weird way that's actually.. Chanyeol's kinda done that.

Chanyeol gulps, then nods.

■ Sunday ■

It's weird wearing heels in the bedroom. Not just the sensation of not being fully naked, or because it's the rarity of something entirely new between them. More because they catch in the sheets every time Chanyeol moves their legs, and once there's a sheen of sweat on their skin the straps start to feel sore. Chanyeol doesn't feel like they can move much at all, really, hyper aware of how tapered and sharp the heels are around all this soft vulnerable skin. They're starting to get cramp in one leg.

"Yeollie, I'm doing my best here."

"I'm distracted, Dae," Chanyeol replies emphatically. Not that Jongdae's wet little hand isn't working wonders between their thighs, but the muscle strain is starting to win out.

Jongdae takes that challenge, but not without an affronted whine too. Right beside Chanyeol's ear as he crooks the three fingers buried knuckle deep in them, making Chanyeol whine back a little hoarser.

Jongdae spent a lot of yesterday making promises about how wild things would get when they had the time, but Sundays are for lazy sex. That's some kind of rule around here, and anyway, Jongdae seems to be really into the heels. He was worked up and finished in all of five minutes, and Chanyeol's mind is way too preoccupied with other things right now.

Jongdae can see that pretty clearly, and even for a lazy Sunday that's kinda rude. Especially when he's the one getting a sore hand. "Distracted by what? I promise all the plants don't get lonely without you over the weekend."

I'm wearing my girl things and you're still all over me and that is really awesome but also confusing is the first thing that comes to mind, but Chanyeol doesn't want to make the mood plummet quite that low. It's a shame; Jongdae's fingers feel so good slowly pumping into them, and Chanyeol likes how affectionate Jongdae gets when he's still got some afterglow about him. Still, their calf is really starting to cramp, and their brain is a lot more involved in this than their dick.

"Kinda worried I'm going to stab you with a heel?"

"Maybe I'd be into that too," Jongdae replies, deadpan, and Chanyeol headbutts his shoulder. It's possessive and nice where Jongdae's got a strong arm hooked under Chanyeol's thigh to hold them spread, but it also means Chanyeol's waning interest is pretty clear to see. Jongdae's not one to give in once he's got his eyes on the prize, but even trying some dirty tricks with his mouth on Chanyeol's ear doesn't seem to help with how Chanyeol's cock is lying practically soft again.

And much as Chanyeol's enjoying Jongdae's fingers, being comfy and safe and perhaps showered is starting to feel more appealing. "I'm not gonna come," Chanyeol decides out loud. "Don't wanna," they add before Jongdae takes that as a challenge, and Jongdae's hand stills.

"I swear you only let me get you off half as much as when we were first together." Jongdae eases his fingers out slow and careful, giving Chanyeol a pout as he watches their features screw up at the sensation. "I waited years for that dick, kuma," he whines, but he only sounds teasing, so Chanyeol just elbows him. That's probably not true, either. Chanyeol's always been on and off with when they do and don't feel good about sex, and kinda thankfully had always been openly curious about that before Jongdae had to find out firsthand.

Jongdae told them there were sexualities less discussed that might be why they feel that way, because Jongdae's spent a lot more time online looking at these things than Chanyeol. Chanyeol's always been a lazy gay, unsure if they really even are gay due to circumstances and content to just be happy with Jongdae. Jongdae was all into support groups and advice blogs through college, though, which is probably why Chanyeol felt ok about confiding that in him in the first place.

Even having given it occasional thought Chanyeol doesn't know if they are one of those terms, or if it's dysphoria (which they actually have researched) or what, but Jongdae's always firmly sworn that he'll stop if Chanyeol wants him to. And he always does, and he always measures Chanyeol's mood before he complains.

Feeling slick and sore and uncomfortable in about five places, Chanyeol groans and turns onto their front. "So are you getting breakfast 'cause I need orgasm compensation or am I 'cause you need dick compensation?" Chanyeol glances over their shoulder just in time to see Jongdae preparing to pounce. "No, you're all--"

"That was like a two out of ten," Jongdae yawns into the back of Chanyeol's hair, not in the least repentant for rolling his sticky belly over Chanyeol's back.

"You looked like you were having at least an eight by yourself." Chanyeol lets out another groan, more irritation this time as they try to squirm the boyfriend koala off their back and get nowhere. Jongdae presses kisses to Chanyeol's shoulder and the top of their spine, and Chanyeol squirms a little less. "You're gonna rub my feet, right?" They ask, blindly feeling behind themselves to prod at Jongdae. "They're cramped."

"Sure," Jongdae replies against Chanyeol's shoulder, then unpeels himself and wriggles his way down the bed.

"Thanks. Don't get gunk on my shoes." Chanyeol settles on their folded arms more comfortably, albeit with the mess left on their back adding to the list of reasons nothing will be right until they've showered. Free foot rub, though. That takes it up to at least a four.

■ Monday ■

Chanyeol makes the executive decision during their lunch break that it doesn't really matter if the world keeps on thinking they're a man. After a long mental discussion with the ornamental toad they're sharing a bench with, Chanyeol decides that much. Chanyeol is ok with day to day life being seen as a man. Chanyeol enjoys being helpfully tall, and being cooed over by older women, and making younger girls blush with their deep voice.

Chanyeol wouldn't want to try and balance on heels in public, or wear the pale green skirt to work instead of the dark green pants. They don't really want to explain to Baekhyun, Jongin, Junmyeon and Sehun that yeah, they look exactly the same, no, they aren't going to change, but can they just, like, keep in mind that Chanyeol's a girl?

"Sehun would be like, but if you're a girl then where are your tits? When are you getting some?" Chanyeol tells the tray of succulents they're setting out on display. "I don't think I need that. It's really just.. Damn." Some of these little guys got waterlogged over the weekend. Chanyeol was right to worry about their wellbeing, frowning as they turn one of the small pots in their hand. "Just a feeling inside, I guess. Dressing up is fun 'n all but, y'know. I dunno. It feels ok."

It's Jongdae that matters. Jongdae was the only one Chanyeol had wanted to know before, and now, too. Just between them, just in their home.

"I'll still grow my hair, though," they say decisively to the last succulent. "Not super long or anything. Just until it feels nice." Long enough to twirl around their fingers and style, and it'll smell of fruit and whatever else they put in those pretty bottles these days. That sounds like a good plan. Wine and the reminder of how long it had been made Chanyeol feel miserable and itchy in their skin for a few weeks, but some time spent indulging themselves with their old clothes helped get them back on track with how this had worked.

It hasn't rained today but the wind and heavy sky is keeping customers away. Chanyeol's been finding odd jobs to do all day to fill in their time, and as plants are pretty good listeners they've had some needed conversations too. Chanyeol rubs a thumb over the cute bulbous succulent, mind wandering to other kinds of hair.

Jongdae sends three apologies for staying late, later, and eventually so late he says he'll stop out for food with Junmyeon on his way home. Chanyeol takes advantage of the time to act on their earlier impulse, turning on the shower extension and sitting on the edge of the tub armed with the same razor they shaved their jaw with two days ago.

The hair covering Chanyeol's legs is pretty fine, so the razor runs through it no problem despite this not having been done for maybe three years. They're still amassing a hairball the size of a small animal in the drain, but it could be much worse. Just the thought of trying to shave Jongdae's legs makes Chanyeol grimace, as does the little trickle of blood from their kneecap.

Warm water from the shower head specks their bare thighs. Normally Chanyeol would stop at knee level, because it's not like Chanyeol ever wore skirts with their legs bare anyway. But why not finish the job, they figure. This body isn't all that bad when it's scrubbed up right.

Jongdae gets home late enough that Chanyeol's already in bed, but early enough that they're still tapping furiously at a game on their phone. Chanyeol pauses it so they can stretch an arm out for a hug. There's a hint of something garlic in Jongdae's kiss even through the strong mint of just brushed teeth. Chanyeol's torn between grossed out and hungry as they thumb their game off pause and start hammering the screen again.

"I can get out an hour early Friday to make up for tonight, Myeonie said." Jongdae yawns widely, wiggling in close enough to butt his cheek against Chanyeol's shoulder. "Do you wanna do something?"

"Mm." Chanyeol purses their lips as their score totals up on screen. Not bad. They're tempted to try for the next 10k, but maybe they can call it a night now. With Jongdae trailing damp, lethargic kisses above the neckline of their shirt they miss the lock button twice before successfully thumbing it, dimming the light in the room to just the bedside lamp. "Yeah, I guess? Or we could stay in, I don't mind either way."

Jongdae's breath floods out hot against Chanyeol's throat. "Sex date~" Jongdae does some kind of sleepy fist pump. Chanyeol sets their phone aside so they can settle down better, pulling Jongdae more securely onto their shoulder. Jongdae nuzzles in comfortably. But then Chanyeol makes that sound they do when they want to talk but don't know what to say, so Jongdae peels back enough to squint up at them.

Chanyeol clamps their mouth back shut once they have Jongdae's attention, then tries again. "I have a confession."

"Yeah?"

"I used up your shaving balm stuff. But like, I can give you the money, it's just, you'll have to get more. Sorry."

"You had to shave again already?" Jongdae asks in disbelief. "Wait, you used the whole thing?"

Chanyeol flashes Jongdae their teeth. "On my legs. I didn't have anything else! They'd have been sore and ugly, it was an emergency."

"Chanyeol." Jongdae groans. He's honestly just struggling to have this nonsensical conversation when he's so sleepy more than he's annoyed. "That's for covering like an inch of face, not 5 foot of leg. Wait. Both legs. You used 10 feet of my balm."

"Emergency," Chanyeol insists. Jongdae's lips touch to Chanyeol's throat as it bobs, and their mouth twists into a smile. "You gonna punish me?"

Jongdae hums sleepily. "When you least expect it, Yeollie." It's a lot more Chanyeol's sensitive reflexes than sharpness that makes them jolt when Jongdae jabs a thumb into their side. Jongdae's more interested in Chanyeol being a pillow than an annoyance right now. "Serious though, if you're gonna do that I'll just pick something up from the drug store. What smells do you like."

"Uhhhh." Chanyeol pretends to not immediately know they prefer fruit for their hair and vanilla for their body. They wonder if Jongdae can hear their heart thudding as heavily as it feels in their chest. "There's this rilakkuma one? The yellow one, not the pink one. I dunno if they still make it, I used to like it."

"Got it." Jongdae yawns. Then he toes at Chanyeol's legs, feet only reaching as far as the top of Chanyeol's calf.

"Nice?"

Jongdae rubs up and down Chanyeol's smooth calf and shin with his foot before making a great sound of consideration and deciding: "Like spooning a dolphin."

Chanyeol laughs so hard Jongdae almost slips off their shoulder. "A dolphin?" They repeat, just sleepy enough now that they misjudge a playful smack to Jongdae and hit their own arm instead. "That's cool, I guess, if you're into dolphins."

Well on his way to sleep, Jongdae just grumbles. Could be a yes or a no, really.

Chanyeol rubs their own foot on their leg. The world feels a lot colder now, and every touch is more sensitive than Chanyeol expects it to be. It's nice, though. And Chanyeol wants to share this with Jongdae, like they've always shared everything. "If you're not into dolphins though," they start, pause, and aren't sure where to go from there. Great move, Chanyeol.

"I'm listening," Jongdae prompts. Chanyeol snags their calf with a toenail and straightens their legs back out.

It's kind of like when Chanyeol used to talk to Yoora about this, kind of. Their late night talks were always dim-lit and warm, and it felt too much like security for this atmosphere to feel much different. "I just kinda think it'd be nice to feel like a girl sometimes." Chanyeol blurts it a little, maybe getting their tongue in more of a knot trying to make sure to say it clearly. Their heart is hammering under Jongdae's cheek again. "But that's.. You too gay for that?"

"I like a lot of things, Park Chanyeol," Jongdae murmurs into the crook of Chanyeol's neck. Chanyeol thinks back to the feeling of teetering on those heels, Jongdae strong and supportive under their arms. "I'd like you if you were a girl. Or a dolphin. I'd like you whatever."

"Gross," Chanyeol mumbles back, lips trying to pull into a smile rather than form words. They're starting to feel sluggishly tired now. Probably because their heart may as well have just been through a workout. "I love you, y'know?" They nudge Jongdae gently. Don't want him falling asleep before the important part. "Probably for other reasons. But also 'cause you're always ok with stuff. Even weird stuff."

Jongdae grumbles again at the nudge. "Why wouldn't I be? Life's too short to judge whatever people like wearing or whatever weird things they want in their ass."

A laugh bubbles up in Chanyeol's chest, amplified a little with the sleepy happiness of relief. "Remind me which philosopher said that?" They ask, but Jongdae's drifted off, toes wedged between Chanyeol's calves.

■ Tuesday ■

[yeolliekuma, that thing you said about weird stuff?]
[its not weird? I dont want you to think its like weird and not ok. if you like stuff like that you know its as ok with us together as it was when we were just friends right?]

[just friends!! i thought we'd been soulmates since the day we met :(((]
[i mean i was kinda getting that u liked some of it ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ but didnt want2 weird u out]
[u miss running tht advice blog dont u]

[I do :{ but anyway just saying. if girly stuff makes you happy its fine✨ you being happy is the impt part]

[👍👍👍]
[ur a terrible gay tho]

[I mean if we're sharing I'm not even gay]

[:oooo]
[i feel like i have evidence otherwise but ok???]
[wait srs tho jongdae ur supposed to tell me everything wht does that mean]

[like you'd know what tf pansexual means even if I'd told you]

[d(・(ェ)・d)☆very good☆(b・(ェ)・)b]

■ Wednesday ■

"I actually in fact do know what pansexual means," Chanyeol announces as they trudge into the kitchen. Behind his coffee mug Jongdae raises his brows. Well. "I do now anyway, I looked it up."

Chanyeol's wearing a crumpled old band shirt and not much else. When they're standing close enough Jongdae makes a swipe for their smooth thigh. Chanyeol flinches at the contact, still not quite adjusted to how sensitive their skin is. "You actually used your phone for something other than Instagram. I'm touched."

Chanyeol hums, then yawns. "Morning." They sway a little on the spot, leaning in to the stroke of Jongdae's warm palm over the back of their thigh.

"You're not mad I dropped that suddenly, right?" Jongdae asks.

"Nah. You could have told me like any time, though?" Chanyeol shrugs emphatically. It's really no big deal to them. Other than the whole Jongdae being super ok with the heels thing maybe making more sense.

Jongdae returns the shrug sharply, looking far more awake for this discussion than Chanyeol is.

"It's kind of a whatever thing for me? Hardly anyone knows what it means, anyway. And I didn't want to like, steal Junmyeon's thunder or anything." Not that it's the same thing as Junmyeon's fraught bisexuality, but once Jongdae said he was gay the time never seemed right to make an amendment. Giving Chanyeol's knee a pat, Jongdae straightens back up and returns his hands to his coffee. "I spent all that time giving out advice on the blog and didn't even tell my own boyfriend something that important."

Jongdae says something else after that, but Chanyeol's heart sinks a little at the reminder that the past few days haven't changed the basic fact that Jongdae is a rock, and Chanyeol is his boyfriend.

"But yeah, anyway," Chanyeol says to cover that they zoned out for a moment. They feel at the tips of their hair, just long enough to fully cover their nape now. "It's fine though. I get why you didn't. And once we were together and all.."

Jongdae purses his lips for a moment. "Yeah. People are jerks," he shrugs again, a little dismissive movement. Then he pushes his coffee aside and reaches out for Chanyeol again. Chanyeol obliging shuffles into his arms, hooking their own over Jongdae's shoulders. With Chanyeol standing and Jongdae sitting on the bar stool Jongdae's basically at nipple height against them. For a split second Chanyeol imagines how this would look if they had breasts and nearly snorts over Jongdae's hair.

It's a good thing they manage to choke it back, though, because Jongdae looks up at them with the dumbest adoring look on his face. "Not my pretty Yeollie, though," he says, and the heat immediately rising to Chanyeol's ears and sinking in their belly is pretty intense. "Are you gonna dress up for me on Friday?"

Oh, wow. Chanyeol would love the opportunity, of course. Their mouth doesn't seem to be much in the spirit of things, though, leaving them gaping for long enough that Jongdae's verging on a frown.

"I mean, it's your thing," he says carefully. "You'd tell me if I was overstepping and being.." Chanyeol's shaking their head, so Jongdae shuts up, twisting his mouth.

"Dae, you don't have to clarify everything. You're not a jerk either." And it's not like it's anything but beneficial if Jongdae is interested in a Chanyeol who wants to be pretty once in a while. Interested, invested, kind. Chanyeol had wondered if they had a crush on Sehun, briefly, when they were 17, and if they could have dated long before Jongdae spilled about his feelings. Sehun would probably obligingly fuck Chanyeol whatever they were wearing. Baekhyun (and Junmyeon, after some persuasion) dressed up with them a few times. Jongdae's the only one Chanyeol thinks would actually care why.

Jongdae nuzzles in at the concave centre of Chanyeol's flat chest. "Pretty sure we're both jerks, day to day, to be honest."

"Yeah, there's that. But we're not so bad for each other," Chanyeol pets Jongdae's hair. "And we're helping Jonginnie move out, we can't be all that bad."

Ugh, right. "That's Saturday, isn't it. I'll have to go easy on you Friday." Jongdae sighs wistfully, giving Chanyeol's ass a pat before slouching back fully onto the stool. If he'd thought having their own place together would mean having the luxury of doing whatever they pleased whenever they wanted, he'd been seriously mis-sold the idea. It's been at least, like, 60 years since they actually had time or energy for the kinds of sex dates they used to have when it involved a commute.

Chanyeol drops their hands from Jongdae's shoulders, folding their elbows on the counter instead. "Yeah, that's a good point. And we're staying over, so no catch up on Sunday."

"Being an adult is bullshit," Jongdae huffs. His line of vision slips down to the hem of Chanyeol's shirt and lingers at their thighs. "You wouldn't let me sit on it, right. Like, for the greater good."

Scowling, Chanyeol tugs their shirt down to cover more skin. "Can you stop thinking about dick for ten minutes? I haven't even had any juice yet," Chanyeol says as though the two things are related. Like maybe some orange juice will change Jongdae's chances of getting a ride.

"Bullshit," Jongdae mutters. Once in a blue moon does he get to do that.

■ Thursday ■

Jongdae is late home again, smelling strong of office and Junmyeon's car when he wriggles in against Chanyeol on the couch. Chanyeol moves closer to the back to make space, and once Jongdae's got a leg hooked between Chanyeol's he's fairly securely on.

Chanyeol's sleepy, not grumpy, that's why they don't say much when Jongdae apologises. Junmyeon's relying on Jongdae pretty heavily with this recent project, and sure Chanyeol misses him and worries about the strain, but they're not mad. It means Junmyeon finds Jongdae competent at the job, and overtime pay is more than Chanyeol earns in a day.

Jongdae presses his lips to Chanyeol's throat, then draws back to look at them.

"Would it be too hetero if I'd bought you a gift to make up for missing dinner?"

Chanyeol hums. "Is it flowers?"

"Sort of," Jongdae replies. Chanyeol's hands tighten around his waist as he squirms to reach into his back pocket. The slip of a bag he pulls out has the brand name of that store under the subway that sells cute socks and umbrellas, and Chanyeol frowns. Definitely not big enough for an umbrella.

Too impatient for unpeeling tape, Chanyeol sticks their thumb and index finger in either side and stretches until the bag tears open. They peer in and see something shining.

Jongdae offers a hand for Chanyeol to tip the contents out into. Chanyeol makes a confused sound when a clump of green falls into his palm.

"It's.."

"A brooch, see?" Jongdae rolls it with his thumb to show Chanyeol the little pin underneath. "It's ugly, right?" Jongdae laughs. "I know you love those succulents, though they don't make the cutest jewellery."

"It's ugly," Chanyeol agrees, heating to the tips of their ears. But now Jongdae's said it they can see that it's sort of succulent shaped, like all the cute round babies they aren't allowed to bring home from work. "Like you," they snicker, leaning in for a kiss, "So of course I love it."

Jongdae preens, pleased with himself and the kisses. "Only the best for the lady in my life," he murmurs, teasing, and gets ten kisses more.

■ Friday ■

Chanyeol's not exactly dressed up in the sense that what they're wearing is glamorous in any way. They've forgone the heels this time, for the sake of their feet and Jongdae's vulnerable tender parts. Chanyeol's still not all that great with make up, either, but they do have a pretty steady hand for lipstick. Jongdae's mouth and jaw are smeared so red it's probably safe to assume Chanyeol's not wearing much anymore, though.

Jongdae's stuck in the sleeve of his work shirt as they stumble through to the bedroom, giving Chanyeol enough time to ask if Jongdae is disappointed. Really all Chanyeol's wearing out of the ordinary is one of the long skirts they have on eternal loan from Tao. A white one with decorative layers of frills around it, cute and twirly enough that Chanyeol had been distractedly sweeping around in it until Jongdae got in. Not the kind of girl Chanyeol is, really, but fun. Chanyeol is comfortable with things like this, with it not being too heavy.

"Yes, Chanyeol," Jongdae swipes at them with his shirt before he throws it aside. "I'm the face of disappointment right now. You look good." He reaches up to yank at Chanyeol's neck, bringing their lips crashing back down against Jongdae's. "My favourite," he breathes between licks into Chanyeol's mouth, "My pretty Yeollie."

It only takes a few seconds of being kissed like this to convince Chanyeol this pretty understated dressing up is just fine. "Better be your fuckin' favourite," Chanyeol teases when Jongdae pulls back, leaving their lips wet and smeared. Their voice comes out deeper than they remembered it could drop to, and it throws Chanyeol for a moment. Nowhere near as much as the sudden squeeze between their legs does, though, Jongdae crushing the frills as he feels out the line of Chanyeol's dick through the thin fabric.

"Bed," Jongdae prompts. He gets Chanyeol halfway there just by steering them as they stumble over their own feet. The backs of Chanyeol's knees hit the bed and they yelp as they fall. It's a spectacularly ungraceful move, but Jongdae helpfully hiking Chanyeol's legs fully onto the bed and then clambering between them isn't with much delicacy either.

Chanyeol's always liked sex with Jongdae, even if they haven't particularly liked it with themselves at times. Jongdae loves Chanyeol's cock, though, and right now this poses a problem. Chanyeol doesn't hate it, as such, after so many years of having it. It's kinda nice sometimes, when they're aware of the hot weight of it. Thought of detached from themselves, it's kind of nice in an abstract way, in the way Chanyeol is attracted to male bodies. The small bump under the fabric when they'd been soft was ok, but Chanyeol's not finding the view of a tent in their skirt all that nice.

Jongdae works to resolve that issue pretty fast, though, flipping the hem up as far as Chanyeol's knees with one flick. He runs a hand over Chanyeol's smooth inner thigh, presses damp kisses to the skin just below. It's so sensitive Chanyeol squirms, eyes squeezing shut and trying to focus on what feels good. It's easy to forget Jongdae doesn't understand why Chanyeol has moments of feeling itchy and squirmy about themselves when he's been so good about playing along recently. There's false security in Jongdae knowing only half the facts, and why did this have to happen now--

It's not that it doesn't feel good as Jongdae's left hand squeezes around Chanyeol, but it sends entirely the wrong kind of twisting heat to their stomach. Jongdae's right hand is under them, fingers wet from the bottle on the night stand, and Chanyeol tries to relax for that.

Jongdae's the one that makes a little sound as he sinks a finger in. "You doing ok?" He knows exactly how easily he expects Chanyeol to take him, and Chanyeol's not doing great at the untensing thing right now.

"Yeah." Chanyeol gulps hard around the lie and hopes Jongdae will just take it as breathlessness, and damn it the flush in their cheeks is spreading down their throat.

The last few weeks have made it easier to imagine Jongdae just understands. That he could somehow be as wonderful as he always is at these things and make this different, could be stroking them off in a way that didn't make them sick to their stomach. Jongdae's grip loosens so he can give Chanyeol a languid stroke from base to tip, and Chanyeol almost yelps.

"Dae, I don't w--" Jongdae flinches in surprise, immediately stilling. Chanyeol feels pukey for about six reasons right now and can only think how to vocalise the one. "I don't need anything. Just you."

That's not an unusual command. Jongdae just wipes his sticky hand off against Chanyeol's stomach with a smile, then hooks his arm around their waist. "You're tense as fuck, though," he croons as though he's saying something entirely more romantic, "Give me a minute longer on this."

Chanyeol nods, then presses their warm face into Jongdae's shoulder. "Sorry."

"Wouldn't be the first time you've got all worried about your plants and been distracted," Jongdae teases; small talk. He's a giver, so prepping Chanyeol more functionally than playfully is kind of unenthralling for him too. "Or you're worried someone's going to knock you off that leader board while you're too busy to play."

"Yeah," Chanyeol agrees to either suggestion. "Sorry," they say again, less for ruining the mood this time, more because they're not the boyfriend Jongdae thinks he's in bed with. But Jongdae shushes them, kisses them. Tells Chanyeol he's gonna have to get them into some unlady-like positions now, and Chanyeol isn't sure until the laugh actually comes out whether it was going to be that or tears.

Jongdae makes an exaggerated sound Chanyeol can't help laughing at as he slicks himself up with a squirt straight from the bottle, no moment of pause to take off the chill. Neither of them usually like it this wet, but Jongdae's easily changeable when need be.

Having already confirmed that Chanyeol's attention is somewhat diverted right now, they don't feel too bad about occupying their hands with their skirt and staring resolutely away just over Jongdae's shoulder. Generally Chanyeol likes that Jongdae has enough muscle to pull them around with ease, but everything feels wrong with their body right now. The touches to their thighs feels wrong, the angle Jongdae's hands grip at their hips. It's so grating. Chanyeol almost wants to yell in frustration, but Jongdae's pushing in, and Chanyeol doesn't want him to think he's doing anything wrong.

So no yelling, but Chanyeol does wince at the blunt pressure. It's because they can't relax, not because they're underprepared. Jongdae's slow and careful, but the ache makes them restless with the urge to move until it feels right. Above them they hear Jongdae hiss softly.

"Yeollie, relax," Jongdae encourages. He drops his slick hand down to tug at Chanyeol's cock again, to give them some distraction from the discomfort. It has the exact opposite effect. Chanyeol already said--

Smacking Jongdae's hand away is quicker than trying to ask. "Don't want-- I mean it, I don't wanna. Just you. Only you," Chanyeol insists, voice tight and too loud. And great, now they're getting choked up.

Jongdae stills, watching with concern as Chanyeol turns their head away. "Sure? Ok. That's fine, Yeollie." Jongdae shifts his weight back onto his knees, freeing up both hands to rub soothingly over Chanyeol's hips. Chanyeol's face is half pressed into a pillow, so it's hard to tell if it's helping. "Is this still a good idea?"

Chanyeol gulps down the pressure building in their throat and nods. It could be good -- distracting from all of this, if Chanyeol could just get started. "Yeah, just." The frills on the skirt don't feel all that soft now it's bunched up and they're dragging over Chanyeol's belly. "Sorry. I'm just being stupid about things, keep going."

Because Jongdae had been looking forward to this, and Jongdae's been so giving all week that Chanyeol wants to give back. Chanyeol wanted to be fucked by their boyfriend-- didn't want to be one in return. Chanyeol could deal with a hard cock under their skirt if they felt brave enough to tell Jongdae that's just the kind of girl she is. They feel betrayed by their own body. That doesn't make sense-- It's because of Jongdae but not Jongdae's fault. It's not Jongdae's fault that he doesn't know that the body he's touching is a girls. If he did--

Jongdae smoothes his hands down Chanyeol's sides. "Alright." He sounds a little uncertain, but his hips are twitching and he'd have taken a yes or a no, but he can't not take either. "You just relax, ok? Breathe and stuff."

Chanyeol obligingly sucks in a deep breath, only to have it punched straight back out by a sharp roll of Jongdae's hips. It feels good, though, and as it settles into something rhythmic the less Chanyeol can focus on what doesn't.

Gradually Chanyeol's grip at the skirt and the sheets lets up. They want to hold Jongdae, and he looks pretty happy about it.

"There," Jongdae breathes as Chanyeol drags him down closer by his shoulders. "You're ok now."

"This is still like a two out of ten," Chanyeol grumbles. Jongdae's hands feel good and steadying at their waist now, thumbs bruising in the fall of their hipbones.

Jongdae grins, craning down to softly bump their foreheads. "You're so pretty, Yeollie. You look so pretty right now. At least a six just for that."

Jongdae's so full of shit. But Chanyeol's always been useless at resisting it, and it sends such a nice, tight curl of heat to their stomach. "Prettier if you hadn't eaten half my lipstick off." Chanyeol grips tighter at Jongdae's bicep. "I could be a seven, dick."

"The prettiest," Jongdae insists, dropping his head and licking the sweat from his upper lip. He's not that bad himself. Maybe combined they're an eight.

After the shaky start this date isn't actually a disaster after all. Maybe from his earlier enthusiasm Jongdae had gone into this with different plans, but it's a slow, lazy fuck, and it's not like he has any complaints with that. And Chanyeol's finally, finally starting to get overtaken by sensation -- the cloudier their mind gets the better, and Jongdae's pretty good by now at hitting all the right spots instinctively.

"You're so pretty," Jongdae groans again, half-gone now and rambling. It has all the right effects on Chanyeol, so he says it over and over. "So pretty, my pretty Yeollie--"

Chanyeol believes it. Those bad feelings have almost melted away, but their breath hitches when Jongdae suddenly draws back, looking down between their bodies. It's sharp as something snapping; all of the tension floods back in, easily drowning out everything that felt good. Jongdae's fucking his boyfriend-- attracted to his boyfriend. But she-- her--

"Can you like," Chanyeol's voice comes out high with panic, but their throat feels like it's totally blocked. "Pretend it's not there at all?"

"Uh." There's a little tremble of tension throughout Jongdae as he comes to an abrupt stop, and Chanyeol mirrors it. Suddenly they're holding each other more for stability. "Kuma," Jongdae says softly, "I'm not gonna do anything. You're not ok."

Shit-- "I'm sorry. Dae, it's not--" Chanyeol covers their face with their hands. The air feels cold on their body once the heat from Jongdae isn't bearing down over them. "It's not you. I did want to."

Chanyeol feels the lightest touch to their thigh, like Jongdae was going to squeeze, but then it's gone again. "I know. That's not what I'm worried about, kuma."

Jongdae sounds nothing but concerned, but Chanyeol almost lets go of the sob built up in their chest as he pulls out. Chanyeol feels empty and uncomfortable, and more than that guilty. It makes the tears well back up even faster. "Sorry, Dae." They swallow hard and their tongue tastes bitter with lipstick. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry--" They've gone about this all wrong. Not explaining to Jongdae, playing around like this -- It was stupid to think it was that simple to make it workable.

"Hey, no.. It's not a big deal." Jongdae rubs at Chanyeol's shoulder. It really isn't; in the years they've been together they've had to abruptly postpone due to pets, parents, injuries.. Jongdae's hardly going to die this time if he didn't when that surprise birthday party changed some well layed plans. "It's not like we don't have years of sex dates ahead of us," he jokes gently.

It feels selfish curling into Jongdae's arms for comfort, but Chanyeol feels too awful not to. It's at least a little grounding, despite everything. They're sorry for so much more than Jongdae's sidelined orgasm, but all they can do when Jongdae tells them everything is fine is nod.

■ Saturday ■

"Fuck." Jongdae plants his elbows on the next stack of boxes lined up to be taken down to the car. "Shit, fuck, I'm too old for this."

"Or just too small," Chanyeol suggests, preemptively swerving a jab to their side.

"My back," Jongdae groans. It's alright for Chanyeol; they spend all day lugging containers and sacks and trees or whatever around. Jongdae sits at a desk. And Jongdae's strong, that's not the issue. He's just getting used to being sedentary, maybe.

"He's too old," Jongin confirms as he scoots past with a box clutched to his chest.

Jongdae snarls at them both. Lucky for them they both have smiles that melt Jongdae's heart, or the box labeled Fragile would be going out the window.

By their own admission neither of them get out much since they've been living together, so once the boxes are out of the way and it's just an evening of beer and crowding around Jongin's laptop with a drama it's a nice change. Jongdae's still making the most of complaining about his poor old back, taking advantage of two pairs of hands offering rubs in consolation. Dramatics aside it is actually twinging from the hours of shifting boxes and loading the car.

The couch is the only furniture left in the apartment, waiting on being picked up by a friend of Jongin's who wanted it. When they agree to turn in for the night it's Jongin on the couch, Chanyeol and Jongdae with a pile of blankets and Jongin's empty room.

"I'm sorry you guys have to sleep on the floor," Jongin pouts, then tilts his head to Chanyeol with a smile. "Especially with your old man's back."

"My poor old," Chanyeol sympathises, rubbing their hands over Jongdae's shoulders. Perfectly accustomed to crashing wherever whenever, unlike Jongin who gets grouchy unless he's comfy and cozy, neither of them are too bothered. Jongdae leans into the warmth from Chanyeol's palms. They dig their thumbs in hard around the curve of Jongdae's shoulderblades, feeling him jolt and then relax. Jongdae moans so loud it startles Jongin.

Jongin wriggles down and starts fluffing his cushion to try and make it a more comfortable pillow for the night. He looks somewhere between the blankets draped over Jongdae's elbow and Chanyeol's hand on his shoulder as he orders, "Don't have sex on my floor. It wouldn't be nice for whoever moves in after me."

Jongdae scoffs. "Like we really want to bang with you on the other side of the door. On a hard floor. With my bad back, right?"

Jongin narrows his eyes. It makes him look sweeter.

"Jonginnie," Jongdae touches a hand to his chest, so wounded by the accusation. "Like I really brought supplies. And even your unthinkable household substitutes are all packed up." Jongdae hooks an arm around Chanyeol's waist, bumping their hips. Later they'll laugh about Jongin's bemused expression at that. "We'll be good," Jongdae tilts his head back against Chanyeol. "Won't we?"

Chanyeol's caught off guard and somewhat grits their teeth rather than smiling. "Best behaviour," they promise. Their heart has started pounding like it was when they'd just run down and then back up the stairs with a half-filled box. It makes Chanyeol feel a little nauseous, so they excuse themselves to the bathroom.

Chanyeol's spent all day doing what they do best at work -- keeping busy so their brain can't get hooked up on worrying a thought over and over. Worrying is their least favourite. But they had to come over to Jongin's place at an ungodly time of day, so that ruled out talking about what happened the night before this morning. Last night Jongdae had warily left Chanyeol on their own to clean up in the shower, folded up the skirt and put it in with the rest of the laundry by the time Chanyeol was back in their favourite shapeless hoodie.

The rest of the night is pretty vague in Chanyeol's mind. They remember how their cuffs had started to feel rough against their face once they were wet. Jongdae's arm around their shoulder, heavy and tight.

The palmful of water Chanyeol rubs over their face drips down off their chin, spotting on the neck of their shirt. They sigh and look in the mirror to wipe the water from their throat. Their eyes drift up, taking in their lips, their messy hair, their tired eyes. Still not all that bad, Chanyeol shrugs, giving themselves a little smile. Herself. Maybe, when the time is right. Whenever that is, with Jongdae being a rock and all.

Jongin likes a light on when he sleeps, so Chanyeol can see enough in the glow from the hallway to not trip over the blankets and lump of Jongdae underneath them. "Thanks for setting up," they say, unfastening their jeans as they step around Jongdae's legs.

Jongdae shifts on top of his makeshift mattress. "Better than when we used to crash with Baek, right?" Maybe he really is getting old if the thought of sleeping on the floor with nothing soft between them and the carpet is making him wince. Ah, memories.

Dumping their jeans and socks ontop the pile of Jongdae's clothes already on the floor, Chanyeol hesitates, running a hand up through the back of their hair. It might just be long enough for the tiniest, fluffiest ponytail soon. "Less chance of waking up with cheetos stuck to you here, too."

Jongdae laughs as he wiggles over to make space for Chanyeol beside him. It's the first moment they've had alone since early this morning, and Jongdae is pretty eager to make up for the lost time -- Chanyeol's pleasantly warm under the blanket, quickly sticky and gross where Jongdae is winding around their side.

Stubble scrapes Jongdae's ankle and toes as he wedges his feet inbetween Chanyeol's calves. "Good thing I'm into cactuses as well as dolphins," he grins, rubbing Chanyeol's legs with his own and not minding the feel of soft prickles at all.

"It's cacti."

"Hmm?"

"Plural." Chanyeol rests their cheek against Jongdae's hair. "Two legs, so it's cacti." Jongdae smells a lot like Chanyeol's fruity shampoo and a little like dust and sweat. Chanyeol's happy he likes cacti, and dolphins, but the words don't seem to want to come.

For a while Jongdae lets the silence between them drag on. The base notes of Jongin's deep, rhythmic snores filter through now and then. Jongdae doesn't comment on it until Chanyeol is starting to feel more lax against him. "At least one of us got to sleep fine," Jongdae says, on his back now, staring up at the ceiling. Chanyeol makes a sound in their throat. They know it means not you, not yet.

"I know what Jongin said, but we could totally give this room a good send off. The problem is--"

"You promised we wouldn't." Chanyeol's aiming to sound sleepy, but it comes out more like berating.

Jongdae's tone hardens a little in response. "I didn't make any promises." It's not anger; just dropping that they're pretending everything is as normal. "The problem I'm having, Yeollie," Jongdae turns onto his side again, propping up on an elbow. "Is I don't know whether I'm still supposed to be ignoring your dick."

Chanyeol stops breathing for a moment, chest locking up tight. "Not.. not really." It's not it being there that's the problem. It's just a matter of Jongdae not knowing what, in specific Chanyeol-terms, it is.

Jongdae edges a hand over, rubbing at Chanyeol's forearm with one finger. "I know you don't like being touched sometimes, and I'm sorry I misread that yesterday. But you've never.." Jongdae's never misread it so badly that Chanyeol's had to be physical. Jongdae doesn't like thinking back to Chanyeol smacking his hand away, but it's not going to go away that they did. "I don't know how I ended up making you that uncomfortable. You know I wouldn't be mad with you if you didn't want to? When have I ever been mad, Yeollie? Sorry." He frowns, appreciating that he sounds kind of mad now. "I felt like shit upsetting you that much. We've always communicated fine about this stuff, y'know?"

Chanyeol nods. Their hair is starting to plaster to their nape. "I'm sorry I didn't talk more. I was scared you'd be upset with me."

Jongdae's hand stills at Chanyeol's arm. "Park Chanyeol." It bites. Chanyeol winces. "I care about you more than I care about your cock, for fucks sake."

It's not well lit enough with Chanyeol facing this way for them to see Jongdae's expression, but they hope he can see theirs. "I know. I know that."

"So why didn't you just tell me you didn't want to? I feel like such an asshole for doing that to you."

"You're not. I said I wanted to. I did want to. It.." Chanyeol chews at their lower lip. They've never been the greatest at coherency under pressure, and this is way more complicated than trying to defend a bad spending choice or why they were twenty minutes late without texting.

When it's clear Chanyeol isn't going to be coming out with more details any time soon, Jongdae lets out a long sigh and wriggles back in closer. "Anyway, are you alright?" He asks, warmth welcomed as he curls back in at Chanyeol's waist. "You seemed ok, and there wasn't a good time to bring it up with Jongin around all day, but.. Whatever that was. Are you ok now?"

This sucks, but talking away from their own home makes it easier, somehow. Jongin's presence a few rooms away is comforting and makes Chanyeol less afraid that Jongdae might throw one of his tantrums before they've had the chance to to explain. They don't particularly want Jongin to be woken by a conversation like this, though. Or to have to deal with the fallout in the morning, if there is one. How could there not be one, really.

"Kind of." Better from what was wrong at the time, overall still kind of a problem. They turn to cuddle in closer, wrapping their long limbs around Jongdae. He's warm and solid and makes a pleased sound as Chanyeol's prickly calf rubs his thigh. "I can explain better, Dae, but at home? Just.. Jongin, y'know."

"Yeah." Jongdae presses a kiss in at Chanyeol's throat. "Is your dick broken? Is that it? Break it to me gently."

Jongdae's smiling; Chanyeol can feel it against their skin. They can hear it in his voice, and this is the most secure they've felt since last night. "It still likes you," they answer honestly, pressing their face into Jongdae's hair.

It's raining out and loud against the windows once they've stopped talking. Chanyeol thinks they probably won't be able to sleep tonight with so much to think about and the inconsistent patter of rain to focus on. Jongdae's hand clasps around their wrist just before he goes, and in no time Chanyeol is drifting, pulse throbbing against Jongdae's palm.

■ Sunday ■

Yoora comforted Chanyeol when they grew, when that initially felt like a problem. At 16 it bothered Chanyeol that they'd outgrown most of the other girls in their year within a few months, because suddenly they didn't look at Chanyeol how they used to. At 18 it upset Chanyeol that nothing fitted quite right, however scrawny they were. Even when it did, Chanyeol wasn't sure they liked it. They'd thought perhaps their feelings were misplaced, because girls like the things Chanyeol wore once and then conveniently misplaced. But then they met Tao, and from there found out that being a girl didn't have to mean being any specific set of things.

Chanyeol feels as comfortably feminine as they ever do in a hoodie, sweats for tall women rather than average men, lip balm with a little shine. Their hair smells like fruit. It almost pulls into a ponytail as they busy their hands with it.

Whether it was an intentional excuse or not, they ended up showering separately when they got in late this morning, sticky and itchy with dust and sweat. Jongdae said something about having to check emails now he's back on wifi and that Chanyeol should just go ahead. Chanyeol would have been ok with it, but they appreciate his caution.

Jongdae's wearing a hoodie too, when he joins Chanyeol on the couch. One of Chanyeol's with nothing underneath. "How does one little Jongin make an apartment so dirty?" Jongdae's scrubbing at his hair with a towel still. Water drips onto his collarbone, running down as far as Chanyeol can see above the loose neckline. Chanyeol would rather just get in there against his warm skin and nap than talk.

That'd be nice, but it's only fair to talk now, while they have time. It's been so long Chanyeol's sure they should have a better idea of what to say, but it's all a muddle of what they want to make sure Jongdae knows, what Jongdae may know already. Telling Jongdae isn't like Yoora knowing, and it's definitely not like telling any of their friends would be. It's Jongdae . Maybe Chanyeol should have gone for the humorous approach. They don't have time to ice a cake or buy a greetings card now. Damn.

"Hey." Chanyeol's head snaps up as Jongdae rests a hand on their arm. Jongdae offers a little smile. "Don't look so worried, Yeollie."

So this is happening now. Ok. Chanyeol's got this. Kind of. "Yeah. Uh." Their mouth is getting there faster than their brain.

Jongdae squeezes Chanyeol's arm a little tighter. "Can I ask something?" Chanyeol's eyes widen, but they nod. "You're not sick, are you? Cause I really need you to be honest if it's anything like that."

Oh, oh no. Chanyeol grasps Jongdae's hand and grips tight. "No! No, I'm fine. Oh, man, I'm sorry if you were worrying about that. I'm totally fine, one hundred percent, no worries." Jongdae sags with relief. Chanyeol wants more than ever to just wriggle into that hoodie with him. "Anyway, I'm gonna be honest whatever, dick."

"I know! I know, I just.." Chanyeol has a habit of clamming up when they're worried about something, but it's ok. It's nothing like that, Jongdae can forget about it. He looks sheepish as he holds Chanyeol's hand between both of his own. "I just started thinking about our savings and insurance in the shower. Being old, huh."

"Your back is gonna go before I need anything, old man." Chanyeol tries to bite back a grin at the thought, and Jongdae scowls and slips a hand back out of their hold to swat at them. But anyway, enough stalling. "Ok. Ok, I'm gonna just.." Deep breath and go for it. "I didn't think you'd hate me or anything-- I didn't think you wouldn't accept it. I just didn't know if it was something you'd want forever? You know, like, maybe it would.." Chanyeol sneaks a look at Jongdae, darting their eyes back down to their linked hands when he looks back. "Change things, in so much as, like, you'd rather support me as a friend, kind of thing."

Jongdae doesn't quite look lost by Chanyeol's dithering, but more like he's mentally turning over each potential option. "Did you decide you're asexual?" He asks, landing on that as the most likely possibility. That'd make sense as far as he can see, so his heart sinks a little when Chanyeol shakes their head. Nope, it's something else.

Jongdae knows Chanyeol better than anyone, and there's a gnawing doubt in Chanyeol's mind over if he'll be ok with that changing. Maybe it's stupid after this long knowing him, confiding in him. Chanyeol's just kind of scared that Jongdae is into girls but not big clumsy ones like Chanyeol. Or that because Jongdae knows about these things and never noticed..

Chanyeol takes both of their hands back to wipe their palms on their thighs. Chanyeol's suddenly kind of terrified that Jongdae has known them for so long and never taken a hint. That he'll say No, you're not.

"Maybe it's ok? Seeing as you're.. like, you're not as gay as I thought. Like a half? Or a third, or.." Chanyeol tugs at the back of their hair, where it's just long enough to sink their fingers into. It's just Jongdae. Ok, it's a little different telling Jongdae now, as someone they're probably going to marry and shit, compared to two years ago when it was just to have the support of a friend. But it's still just Jongdae, and Chanyeol's never felt insecure about that. "So like. Are you into tall girls?"

"Tall girls." Jongdae handles the words carefully, knowing that was Chanyeol getting as close to the point as they can. In a beat his expression flits from tense to some kind of exasperated relief, like Chanyeol's watched a season ahead and just inadvertently told him his favourite isn't going to die. "Tall girls with big elephant feet. Shit, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol blows out an unsteady breath. They love Jongdae for a multitude of reasons, but his ability to decipher their conversations is high up the list. "I mean, I know, like, I know that's not what I look like. I know I have-- but it's," Chanyeol's line of vision briefly drops to Jongdae's lap and they gulp. "It's a girl one. I-- I know you know that, you've always been involved-- You know what being trans is. Sorry. I'm panicking." They withdraw into their hoodie sleeves a little more, turning big, helpless eyes to Jongdae.

Jongdae doesn't even look all that shocked. Chanyeol probably could have gone with the decorated cake idea after all.

"Yeah, I-- Don't panic. Just talk to me." The towel around Jongdae's shoulders drops behind him as he turns to better face Chanyeol. Chanyeol appreciates the comfort of Jongdae's hand back seeking out their own, but they're still not sure what to say next. "How long have you been identifying with this for?" Jongdae prompts.

"Uh.. Kind of, before I knew it was a thing, for a while. When I was a teenager. I was going to tell you a couple of years ago, but that didn't work out, so I kinda just. Yeah."

"Wait, what?" Jongdae gawps. "The whole time we've known each other?"

Chanyeol winces. It suddenly feels really stupid that Jongdae hasn't known about this. "Maybe a little before."

Jongdae rubs at his eyes. That's a new spin on basically every experience they've had together, and Jongdae doesn't know if that's funny or awful. "Why didn't you tell me when we were kids? In college, even. I have resources, Yeollie, you're-- you've always been shit at looking into things." Chanyeol looks offended for a second, but true. "I could have helped. Oh my god. Chanyeol-- We could have done so much differently."

"I thought there were kinda enough signs, but you never noticed," Chanyeol argues, pouting. They hold up a hand just in time to take the force of a shove from Jongdae.

"Of course I noticed, dumbass, but I wasn't going to pin any terms to you just for that. Your gender identity is your own to define, not for me to make assumptions about."

"You're doing your advice blog voice," Chanyeol points out, twisting the arm of Jongdae's that they've caught and making him whine. Jongdae says they should have had this talk sooner, but right now it feels just like they're their bickering teenage selves again anyway. That's cool. "But, ok, that's fair."

When Chanyeol looks back up from reorganising their fingers linked together, Jongdae looks deflated. Worry starts to creep back in. "So..?" Chanyeol ventures, and Jongdae huffs loudly, startling them.

"I've been misgendering you for our entire-- everything, our friendship too. Shit. Yeollie, if I'd known--"

"But you didn't," Chanyeol flaps their free hand. "I'm not upset about it. I had Yoora, and Tao. I didn't even really get the whole thing clear and figure it out for definite until I met Tao? You didn't know how to take back what you said when you realised you weren't gay, right? If I'd said something sooner.. I needed to figure it out before I told anyone."

"But when you did.." Jongdae just sounds plain sad now. What happened on Friday and why Chanyeol couldn't explain makes a lot more sense, and wow, who knew Jongdae could feel even more of a jerk about that than he already did. "I'm so sorry if I ever made it seem like you couldn't be honest about how you feel."

Chanyeol flaps a little again. They'd kind of anticipated that they'd be the one reasoning with and apologising to Jongdae, not the other way around. "You didn't. You've always been really cool about whatever weird stuff I've wanted to do or.. or not do." It's the not-doing Chanyeol's always been most grateful for. "I dunno, I just.. I guess, a little, but not intentionally. I lost my nerve when I was going to tell you. And then I really didn't want to miss the opportunity to be with you, and we were so busy and happy it was easier to not think about it so much. I've been ok. It's just, the last few weeks you've been so nice about things." Jongdae's always nice about things, really, in his own whiny, sardonic way. That kind of nice, though, softer to match Chanyeol's softness -- that makes them warm just to think about. "It made me want to have that all the time."

Jongdae rubs at the back of his neck. It's still damp, so he starts patting with his sleeve instead. "You and the others used to have fun dressing up before. I figured we'd just.. I dunno. Got settled enough that you were going to get back into it or something." He shrugs, shifting in the swamp of hoodie material. "It's not that I didn't notice or care, you know? I just thought it was a case of playing because you were."

"Don't worry about it." There's more to worry about than what's already happened and is easily cleared up. Chanyeol prods at Jongdae's thigh. "Before, I thought you were only into guys. I thought you'd change your mind and just want to stay friends if I told you. And though that's not the case, I'm still.. not sure?" Chanyeol's pretty sure this is ok. But not a hundred percent, and there's no point going ahead not being just that.

It takes Jongdae a second to catch on to what Chanyeol's asking for. "Don't make me say gross feelings things." Jongdae groans, hiding from Chanyeol's puppy eyes in his sleeves. Chanyeol kneads painfully hard at his thigh, until he has to drop his hands if only to prize Chanyeol's off. Alright, alright. "Look, I've been in love with you for so long-- I mean, not as long as I've been misgendering you--"

Chanyeol bursts out in a laugh so hard they overbalance and their hands slap down in Jongdae's lap again. "You're totally forgiven for that."

Jongdae looks the tiniest bit glossy-eyed as he fusses with getting Chanyeol's hands back in their own space again. "I meant what I said before. Girl, or dolphin or cactus. I've loved you for basically ever, Chanyeol, and I don't have any plans for getting old with someone else. I'm fine so long as you're happy." Jongdae's fingers fit around Chanyeol's thumb in a tight squeeze. Then he twists sharply and Chanyeol squawks. "Don't tell anyone I said that."

"No." There's a lot of scuffling and cursing involved in Chanyeol climbing over and hauling themselves into Jongdae's lap. Once they've planted themselves down on Jongdae's thighs there's no getting them back off again, though. "I'm gonna tell everyone you've got a crush on me," Chanyeol grins, swamping Jongdae's entire upper body with their own. They probably are a little too big for this and their couch a little too old, but that's entirely insignificant to how happy they are right now. "I'm gonna tell everyone you said you love me."

"Slander," Jongdae grumbles, muffled by Chanyeol's shoulder. "You're lucky you're so pretty it's basically a compliment to me," he says, blindly digging his fingers in at Chanyeol's sides, and between giggles and Jongdae's merciless tickling Chanyeol squirms right back out of his lap all by themselves.

■ Monday ■

Good news doesn't impact much on how sluggish Chanyeol always is on a Monday morning. The week is fine once it's underway, but it generally takes until they're actually at work to fully get their head off their pillow and into reality. It doesn't help that the aches from moving all those boxes combined with the aches of last night's (more successful) second attempt at their Friday date is making the shower feel like heaven on earth this morning. Jongdae was even a gentleman and slept in the wet spot, but Chanyeol's still groggy.

Jongdae, annoyingly, is entirely awake. Less annoyingly he's made Chanyeol's breakfast.

"I was thinking, I have friends from college who have more experience with gender identity than I do," Jongdae says as he slides a glass of juice over to Chanyeol. "I can ask around, if you'd like some email addresses."

Chanyeol blinks slowly, their sleepy brain taking a moment to register what Jongdae's offering. "Ah. I think I'm ok. Thanks, though."

"Ok." Jongdae slips off his stool and loops his arms around Chanyeol's shoulders. He has to push up on tiptoe to fully cover Chanyeol's back and nuzzle in at their neck. He's got awful coffee breath, but Chanyeol's never got a bad word for extra cuddling. "Just don't want you to feel alone."

Between the slippery condensation on the glass and the little flippy thing their heart just did, Chanyeol's juice nearly ends up on the floor. Jongdae may be no expert, but Chanyeol doesn't really need one.

"I'll let you know if I ever feel like I need that," they say, tilting their head to rest against Jongdae's.

"You're my favourite," Jongdae takes in a deep breath of fruit and vanilla, sighing it back out in a rush of hot air that makes Chanyeol wiggle under him.

Chanyeol turns their half drained glass between their hands. Their watch says it's time for Jongdae to get going. "I'd better be."

"Pretty Yeollie." Jongdae presses his face into Chanyeol's nape, and Chanyeol rests a damp hand over the one hanging loose at their shoulder. The next time they look it's definitely time Jongdae should have left, but Jongdae's office has had more than it's fair share of his time recently. Still, Chanyeol doesn't want him to get in trouble.

"It's five past," Chanyeol says softly.

Jongdae has to catch the second morning train, texting Junmyeon promises of overtime on the way.

■ Tuesday ■

"Good morning, beautiful."

Chanyeol rubs at their eyes and sinks down onto their stool at the counter. "Are you gonna be like this every day?"

"For the rest of your life," Jongdae replies with a bright smile.

Chanyeol yawns into their orange juice. "I don't recall you flattering me with how devastatingly handsome I was all the time."

"You were like, a strong five. I've got a lot of flattering to make up for."

"What am I right now?" Chanyeol pokes a finger at the corner of their eye again, rubbing the sleep out, and Jongdae makes a considering sound.

"I mean, personally?" Jongdae rests on his elbow, fingers curled over his smile as he takes a long, slow look at Chanyeol that makes them want to fiddle with their hair. "Well.. I'm really into girls who are a lot taller than me. About an A cup. Especially if they have a totally flat butt and something between their legs." Chanyeol splutters on their juice. Jongdae reaches a strong hand over to rub between their shoulders. "I'd make that a solid ten. And to think, I'm only a nine and a half."

"You're so full of shit," Chanyeol scowls, fond and flushed. They wipe their mouth with the back of their hand, and Jongdae rocks back on his seat.

"Anyway, kuma, do you want to buy stuff? We can shift around spending this month if you need some things."

"Maybe some more stuff for the bathroom that's like, nice. Not orange and black."

"Sure." Jongdae doesn't really mind either way if he showers in peaches or metal. "That won't break the bank. No clothes?"

Chanyeol looks blank with thought for a moment, then shrugs. "Nothing urgent."

Hmm. Jongdae's not sure he likes the thought that's dawning on him. "Was the.. I'm sorry if I took the dressing up thing out of context? I thought it was just.." Jongdae makes some sort of gesture, but beats Chanyeol if they know what it is. "I didn't mean to sexualise something that's not--"

"Advice blog voice," Chanyeol warns. "I like dressing up for fun, y'know? I'm not gonna, like, do that full time. A lot of girls are like that, I think, like, practical most of the time and just dress up for fun."

"It would have made life pretty weird for me if you'd looked even more like your sister," Jongdae grins. "Though I guess that could happen anyway, huh? You look similar enough already."

Chanyeol blinks owlishly at Jongdae as they process that. Right. It's still early days talking about this. "I'm not.." Chanyeol gestures vaguely towards their chest, almost slopping the last mouthful of juice out of the glass. "I know what options are available and all, but there's none I want to take."

"Oh. I did assume that time." They really need to start having these conversations in the evening instead of when Jongdae should be getting ready for work. Junmyeon's a nice guy, though, and much as he tries to keep their friendship and working relationship divided, Jongdae's got no doubts that some wheedling about Chanyeol needing him will get him off the hook. "So no hormones, even?"

"I've never been a hundred percent guy," Chanyeol shrugs, and it's the weirdest thing, being able to just say that outloud, "I don't need to change anything. I wasn't planning on telling the others, either, I don't think they'd get it."

"Mm, no, probably not." Jongdae bites his tongue when he almost says that it's a shame. It's not, if it's not what Chanyeol wanted anyway.

Chanyeol should probably be thinking about making a start on getting ready for work, too. They can talk about this more at length later. "I don't get dysphoric much, really. All I want is to be comfortable at home, and know you understand if things feel bad." Chanyeol gulps down the last of their juice, lowering the glass to find Jongdae staring. "What? Yes, I know a big word. Don't make some crack about me sucking at researching things."

Jongdae gives them an affronted look as he hops down from his stool. "I wasn't going to! I was going to say I'm proud of you. And I--" Ugh, it's too early in the morning for this. "Feel things for you."

"Things," Chanyeol gasps from behind their fingers, then grins. "My heart. I feel things for you too, Dae."

Jongdae swerves Chanyeol reaching for him. "Would you look at the time," he says, raising a bare wrist.

Chanyeol's feet kick under the counter as they laugh.

■ Thursday ■

[hey]
[yeolliekuma]
[

]
[its you]

[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

■ Friday ■

"What did I say about no broken legs?" Jongdae grunts from the exertion as he hauls Chanyeol up onto the couch. After a long day at work he only has the strength to get Chanyeol as far up as here, and only the patience to get their upper half safely on before unceremoniously dropping them.

"I'm fine, I was just," Chanyeol huffs as they pull their face out of a couch cushion. "Taking a rest."

"Sure you were, Cinderella. Do I need to get ice?" Chanyeol really is a Cinderella this time -- Jongdae found them leaning against the back of the couch when he got in, legs at an interesting angle and one shoe still standing where Chanyeol's foot had departed from it.

"Really, I'm fine." Chanyeol squirms onto their back and hangs their heeled foot over the arm of the couch. It was more just a surprise that they were suddenly on their hands and knees, and it winded them for a moment. Nothing hurts. Not until Jongdae decides to join them on the couch, anyway.

"So that makes you Prince-- fucking-- Charming." Chanyeol wheezes as Jongdae's knee digs into their thigh and his forearm into their stomach. He's all sharp little elbows and knees when he wants to be.

Jongdae folds his arms and settles heavily on Chanyeol's chest. "Not gonna say I'm not." He gives Chanyeol one of his smiles, eyes scrunched closed, lips wide. "You look very pretty tonight."

Chanyeol shrugs, but it's not an easy motion with Jongdae weighing down on their upper body. "So charming."

"And I'll make dinner."

"Getting better."

"Unless you wanted to go out?" Jongdae suggests, pouting as he chins at the arm resting on Chanyeol. "We could go somewhere. You could make me look good, having the most beautiful girl in the room on my arm."

"I could make you look really fuckin' short." Chanyeol snorts. Their face suddenly feels warm, so they rub at their cheek with a sleeve. "I liked staying home being pretty before and I still like staying home being pretty now," they say, and Jongdae cranes up to peck their lips.

"Good, cause we could have gone if you'd wanted to, but I'm not sad you don't." Jongdae got all of that out of his system young. And he's old with a bad back and all now, and he likes melting out in front of the tv and in Chanyeol's lap after a whole week of desk work and being excruciatingly polite when he's on counter. Junmyeon being head of office but needing his staff to serve as a filing system if anyone wants to see their paperwork again needs a solid weekend of recovery from, too.

"Staying in is cool," Chanyeol responds vaguely, pressing their sleeves to their face. Jongdae's beautiful girl. Huh.

Jongdae pauses for a moment, studying the little of Chanyeol he can see under the fabric. "Ok," he says, clapping a hand on Chanyeol's thigh and giving a firm squeeze before using it as leverage to push up from the couch. "Dinner coming up." Jongdae's an expert at Friday night pasta, so there's no question as to what it'll be.

Flushed and a little giddy, Chanyeol stays behind their sleeves even after Jongdae has climbed off. It's a nice heat creeping over their cheeks, around to their neck. Their body almost feels damp with it under their hoodie. Chanyeol could probably just melt down into the couch right now, feeling this warm and hazy.

A touch to their shoulder draws them back enough to realise Jongdae is still here, warming his hands on the heat coming off of Chanyeol. Ah, well. They stay firmly behind their sleeves as they sense Jongdae leaning down closer. He's a dick; Chanyeol's bracing for a prod to their side or a sudden tickle attack.

It doesn't come, though. After a pause Jongdae hums. "My favourite, pretty Yeollie," he says, voice soft like the lamp light. He presses a lingering kiss to Chanyeol's hair, then thoroughly musses it. It's long enough to ruffle up into a quite the mane now. "My back," Jongdae gripes, and then Chanyeol hears him step away.

Chanyeol audibly gulps around a thick lump in their throat, eyes hot and wet behind their hoodie sleeves. Jongdae's already banging cabinet doors in the kitchen by the time they peek out again.

------
Please comment on the LJ post if you enjoyed this fic!

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#14: Friday I'm in love

#14: Friday I'm in love

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